Practicing The Art of Being Human
Heart Mechanics is a decommodified, peer-based empathy practice community that uses art as a vehicle for learning, growth, and relational-transformation.
The Listening Commission for Unnamed Testimony
Whatever is happening is definitely because of YOU. When I sit in this chair my mind is busy telling myself YOU are the problem or the savior. Whether positive or negative, evaluations indicate a right/wrong frame of reference.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“It’s because you did [wrong thing] that I feel.”
Or, “If only you weren’t so (passive-aggressive, mean, bullying, overbearing, wimpy, etc.) things would be better around here.”
Whatever is happening is definitely because of ME. When I sit in this chair my mind is busy telling myself that I am the problem or the savior. Whether positive or negative, evaluations indicate a right/wrong frame of reference.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“Oh, if only I could be (more organized, efficient, smarter, kinder, tougher, compassionate, assertive, creative, etc.), this would never have happened.”
“I’ll never get this right! If only I could change [wrong thing] things would be better.”
Moment to moment, I sense what is happening in my body and name body sensations while letting go of stories my mind is telling. When I sit in this chair I am fully present, allowing my thinking mind to be as it is while not getting carried away with it. By simply pausing, and being as we are, our minds can settle and we can see our feelings and needs more clearly.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“Body is relaxed. Mind is relaxed and settled.”
“Shoulders, neck and jaw are tense. Mind is busy and distracted.”
Moment to moment I sense what emotional reaction I experience, either as sensations in the body or with descriptive terms, (happy, sad, annoyed, joyful, ….) AND I connect those feelings to the needs within me that are stimulating them. The focus when I am sitting in this chair is self‐empathy, connecting my feelings to the needs that generated them.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“When I see the backyard with old furniture scattered around, I feel annoyance arising from needs of ease and beauty.”
“When you don’t show up at our agreed upon time, I feel hurt because I really value consideration.”
Moment to moment, I am curious about what emotional reaction you are experiencing and what needs are stimulating those emotions. The focus here is empathic guessing about YOU, wondering what feelings YOU may be experiencing and what needs may have generated them.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“Oh, their check didn’t come when they hoped. I wonder if they are feeling anxious arising from the needs of honoring agreements, ease, and support?”
“I wonder if when you realized you were late, you felt disappointed because it’s important for you that I know I matter to you and you would like to be seen for your true intentions?”
