Practicing The Art of Being Human
Heart Mechanics is a decommodified, peer-based empathy practice community that uses art as a vehicle for learning, growth, and relational-transformation.
What We Practice
Regardless of someone’s experience level with empathy practice, in each moment the starting point is the same: Am I aware in THIS moment how I am receiving the messages around me?
Empathy practice brings awareness that we have choice about how we receive and respond to the messages life delivers, rather than operating from a place of auto-pilot and emotionally reactive, habitual patterns. Often, our reactions happen so quickly that we are not even aware we are making choices. Slowing down—pausing—accepting with compassion how we are viewing and relating to each moment increases our range of choices and increases the likelihood that everyone will get their needs nourished.
When something happens, we have five ways (exemplified by each of the five chairs) we can react.
The first two ways are cultivated in our culture based on dualistic thinking and using power-over dynamics to meet needs. Everything is either right or wrong, good or bad, and our task in any given moment is to evaluate everything and anyone, doling out punishments and rewards to motivate the behavior we want to see in ourselves or others. If there is a problem, the most important thing is to find out who is at fault and tell them how wrong they are to correct their wrongness.
The other ways to respond are based on a power-sharing, collaborative, open-minded and curious approach that empathy practice offers of looking underneath our evaluations and judgments to explore the underlying feelings and needs calling for our attention. The most important thing in each moment is awareness and loving connection to ourselves and others, prioritizing connection over correction. People participating in the art installation called Attune-UP may use these provided instructions to engage with the five chairs, or you may do it from home with a friend:
Bring your attention to any body sensations, emotions or thoughts calling for your attention.
Select a specific thing that was said or done/not said or done, that may be related and work through each of the 5 chairs while keeping this specific thing in mind.
You can start at the first chair on the left and work your way through each sequentially, or notice where you are in any given moment and use the chairs to help track your organically evolving process.
Whatever is happening is definitely because of YOU. When I sit in this chair my mind is busy telling myself YOU are the problem or the savior. Whether positive or negative, evaluations indicate a right/wrong frame of reference.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“It’s because you did [wrong thing] that I feel.”
Or, “If only you weren’t so (passive-aggressive, mean, bullying, overbearing, wimpy, etc.) things would be better around here.”
Whatever is happening is definitely because of ME. When I sit in this chair my mind is busy telling myself that I am the problem or the savior. Whether positive or negative, evaluations indicate a right/wrong frame of reference.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“Oh, if only I could be (more organized, efficient, smarter, kinder, tougher, compassionate, assertive, creative, etc.), this would never have happened.”
“I’ll never get this right! If only I could change [wrong thing] things would be better.”
Moment to moment, I sense what is happening in my body and name body sensations while letting go of stories my mind is telling. When I sit in this chair I am fully present, allowing my thinking mind to be as it is while not getting carried away with it. By simply pausing, and being as we are, our minds can settle and we can see our feelings and needs more clearly.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“Body is relaxed. Mind is relaxed and settled.”
“Shoulders, neck and jaw are tense. Mind is busy and distracted.”
Moment to moment I sense what emotional reaction I experience, either as sensations in the body or with descriptive terms, (happy, sad, annoyed, joyful, ….) AND I connect those feelings to the needs within me that are stimulating them. The focus when I am sitting in this chair is self‐empathy, connecting my feelings to the needs that generated them.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“When I see the backyard with old furniture scattered around, I feel annoyance arising from needs of ease and beauty.”
“When you don’t show up at our agreed upon time, I feel hurt because I really value consideration.”
Moment to moment, I am curious about what emotional reaction you are experiencing and what needs are stimulating those emotions. The focus here is empathic guessing about YOU, wondering what feelings YOU may be experiencing and what needs may have generated them.
Thinking from this chair may sound something like:
“Oh, their check didn’t come when they hoped. I wonder if they are feeling anxious arising from the needs of honoring agreements, ease, and support?”
“I wonder if when you realized you were late, you felt disappointed because it’s important for you that I know I matter to you and you would like to be seen for your true intentions?”
